doucebags

I’m still trying to figure out how they actually do it.

Doucebags, they actually are effective.

I can get pissed about it not being what I think effective should look like; smart, clean and of contemplation; but that’s no weapon against the reality of it.

It’s dumbed-down, messy, and painstakingly predictable. Where acting like a beer commercial, and the implication of being successful or talented is enough to be a masterkey to all things: love, luck, work and play.

Its silly that I believe in substance, and that it should be “the thing to do” in most cases! That the interest in real diversity should be a Top 3er. Something you can comfortably whip out at Monster Truck rallies. There is something real there.

- That something makes you laugh because it made you think.
- That your interest in clothes should be tempered by your understanding that they were probably made by someone who has nothing.

You wait longer, with less, by not accepting douches or becoming one. But the people you end up finding change your life. Those people cast a long shadow over the collection of petty shit you missed by not being a douche.

At least that’s the pitch in my head.

Amazing

You’ll never believe what happened to me, hahaha. I farted and burped at the same time. Hahaha.

The more you know

I learned that the 47 in AK-47 stands for the year it was built, and if you dropped it in a swamp it will still fire 10 years later. It also can’t shoot straight.

Permission

How long has this taken, but I’m at stage of knowing much more than is reasonable about people’s behaviour. Before it was just understanding conditioning and reward/punishment, but now it’s heading into crazy territories. Now it’s about recognizing true receptiveness. You can see a bunch of people with plain expressions on, and then determine which people actually want to interact. You give these people the permission to act how they feel. You can see the wave of relief on their faces when they are able to actually act how they feel.

And you will be their hero. You were the first to act real and be vulnerable. And once one person does it, it is insane how quickly it will spread.

Illiteracy

I saw a government commercial about how you can only go so far in life when you can’t read, and at the end they implored the illiterate to learn how to read with an image of the website and phone number. Hahaha, good luck getting there if you can’t fucking read! No voiceover or anything, basically this could only work with some kind of futuristic TV:

Are you illiterate? We would put it on the screen, or maybe repeat it enough times that you memorize, but that would take longer than the 30 seconds we have here. So shout at the TV now!! Shout!

I WANNA READ!

Make sure you do it loud enough. You do want to read, don’t you?

GAWD, I WANNA READ!!!!

Our sensors indicate you want to learn how to read. Congratulations.

May not actually learn to read. Terms and conditions apply. May be forced to work in labour camps, and wear a small hat indicating your illiteracy.

Strange things I like

• Movies on BET: It’s my secret ghetto retreat. They pick stereotypical bangers that seem to have learned everything about filming from Family Matters. Slang is awesome, and really, who can’t use a lesson about how being yourself is the key to everything.

• Twitter: This stuff is crack. You remember back in the early 90s when you would be so bored in an airplane that you would pick up a newspaper to read, only to toss 80% you didn’t care about? Twitter is like that remaining 20%, but instead of stuffy editors watering content down, you get it directly from the source. I have my own Diddy/Fabolous/Dwade/Pink/Lohan/Piven/Conan/Silverman “newspaper”.

• Waking Up Early: This cropped up somewhere between needing to be up and being up as a preventative measure against early morning crises that would steal showers from me. But now, it’s enjoying in some perverse way to wait up at 6:30am, even to just be ‘resting’ for 30 minutes until I actually have to get up.

• Religious Documentaries: This probably needs some explaining. I love different ideas, and ways of thinking about things: the world, people, how they act, and what a person is ‘to do’. So I will try to journey with them as far as I can logically and curiously go, and then they will say something so logically/morally/creatively stupid that a frown creeps up on my face and I have to change the channel. The average is about 5 minutes.

Being a dude

So basically there are two key objectives when being a guy according to media:

1) Being an ‘easy-going’ guy who drinks domestic beer
2) Having amazing abs

They are at odds….

So what are you to do? Beer takes presidency cause we’ll all seen couples involving beer guts. It’s as if people get abs because they can’t attract just with their love of domestic beer. I would love to correlate causal love of domestic beer with getting action. Definitely significant.

The Club

Tonight, I went to a “club”, and here are my conclusions:

1) The DJs are shit to the power of 9999, you have a 1 out of 5 good song ratio. Requesting doesn’t matter.

2) The other guys there are better looking than you, as much as you which they weren’t. But they are lacking in the most fundamental quality of uniqueness. They are a mold of a vapid ‘every-man’, and almost faking normal interactions based on Coors Light commercials they saw the day before.

3) Any stairs will have spilt drinks on them and if you are Brian Smith, you will fall on them.

4) The way you can have the most fun is by pretending you are a British director making a documentary on the mating habits of lesser humans. It makes a huge difference, try it out.